Why is accepting help so hard?
Up to my eyeballs in boxes. Up to my elbows in dirt, grease and cleaning product. My body was screaming for me to stop and rest. My heart wanted to make our new space not just practical but beautiful. My mind was in a constant state of scrolling through the list upon list upon list of things that I needed to do, clean, buy, sort or set up. Sleep was elusive. Kids still needed clean uniforms (some of which I couldn't find) and meals. I still had a business to run, a market to get ready for and a migraine was brewing.
"Can I drop your kids home for you?"
"Can I help you clean?"
"Can I drop a meal around for you?"
"Can I pick up your migraine medication for you?"
"Can I put these things away for you?"
"How can I help you?"
So many beautiful, sweet, kind, generous friends and family, all so willing to help in any way they possibly could.
I needed help, like a fish needs water.
Yet, I almost choked on the word 'yes' trying to say it. I knew I needed to but my mind fought hard against it.
Why do I find it so hard to accept help?
What in me struggles to say 'yes'?
Turns out there are a lot of layers behind this.... so deep...
This is the one I am working through at the moment.
I feel guilty, that I am taking others away from what they could be doing. And don't want anyone to feel like they 'have to' help when they have other things they need to, could do or would rather be doing.
I don't want anyone to feel obligated to help me.
BUT people don't offer (or shouldn't) unless they genuinely want to help.
They love me and want to help. This is a part of journeying life together.
Walking life together is as much about doing the boring, tiring, yukky things alongside one another as it is doing the fun, celebratory things.
We normally project onto others the things we ourselves have done.
So, my honest confession this week, is that I have in the past done things out of obligation, rather than with a generous heart. I have said yes when I meant no.
Helped with a smiling face but a grumpy heart.
That is why I struggled to accept help last week.
I didn't want anyone to feel obligated, as I had in the past.
I had to choose to shut down the lie - 'they are only doing this out of obligation and guilt' - that was trying to choke my 'yes'.
Instead, by saying yes, I was saying 'I believe you and I trust you want to help me because you love me.' Giving voice to truth.
What internal lie are you shutting down this week?
Which fabulous truth are you believing in its place?
NEXT WEEK: How to align a grumpy heart with a smiling face?