Locking children in the boot or letting them drive???
I heard someone once say….
Emotions are like children ...
You should never lock them in the car boot
nor ever let them drive the car.
Some of us are really good at locking those feelings away in the car boot of our lives, pretending that they aren’t there, hiding from them. I get it, they are hard, they hurt, they are scary and oh so raw.
Others of us, let those emotions drive the car. Let them take us on a journey that dictates what we say, how we respond and where we go. This always feels good at the time, like the relief of undoing the top button of your pants after Christmas dinner, but letting it all hang out, so to speak, often ends in a bit of an embarrassing mess.
So how do you do it? What does healthy look like? What do we do when we either want to dig a giant hole or write across the sky? How do we find a safe space for them?
We are all as unique as each cloud formation in the sky. We all will have our own individual way of depositing and processing feelings BUT here are some general lessons that have helped me along the way.
1. Acknowledge it
Not just with one word but allow yourself or maybe you might need to push yourself to explore it more deeply. So if I am feeling sad, what does sad feel like or look like – it might be I feel hurt, disappointed, let down, lost, sick, like hiding...
2. Express it
Ideally written or typed. Journalled.
This is not for anyone but you to read. You can burn it afterward. It doesn't have to make sense, it is not going to be assessed by your english teacher. Verbally vomit on a page or screen.
While feelings stay inside your head they hold power, they can go around and around in circles, they need to come out, you need to be able to see what is happening inside of you, expose it to the light.
When we see it written then we often can see what is real, what is imagined, what makes sense and what doesn’t yet make sense.
Just because you feel it doesn’t mean its true.
3. Talk it
Once the raw emotion is released it is time to chat it through with someone who will listen, help you wade through it and give you an outside view of it.
4. Action it (with wisdom)
The next big question is, do I need to take any action now?
Do I need to reject any lies I am believing and replace them with truth?
Do I need to forgive someone?
Do I need to seek forgiveness from someone?
Do I need to talk to someone to gain understanding from their world?
Do I need to go back to step one because there is still more emotion in there?
I wish I could say that I nail this process regularly. But, often I jump into the pit of sadness, I let the emotions drive, I feed them, water them and help them grow and fester like a mouldy piece of fruit in my kids school bags.
Other times, I just don’t want to face it, I live in a world of pretend, ignoring the banging coming from the car boot of my heart. Problem is though, even when I am hiding it, it still leaks out, I lash out more quickly, tears leak out more easily and I get super tired. Denial is exhausting.
But sweet friends, I do know that when I push myself to process emotions, I find peace more quickly, I learn greater lessons, I am a whole lot less tired and I am a much nicer person to be around (ask my family).
Will you take the ‘facing feelings’ challenge?
It takes courage and tenacity but it gives freedom and peace.
P.S. Check out a little giveaway below ....
I would love to post 4 people this little ~7x15cm quote in the mail.
Be the first 4 to send me an email with your postal address and I will pop it out to you as a reminder to face feelings this week.
Click HERE to email me and win!
If you miss out this little print
it will be up on the website for just $4**
With FREE SHIPPING
using the code: FACEFEELINGS
Click HERE to secure yours.
(**only available until 11/9/17)