So many sweet people ask me how my art business is going. Each time I have to filter through the answer options and decide which one is the most appropriate. But let's be honest, this is jolly hard work, mixed with a whole lot of 'pinch me, I can't believe I get to do this'
This weekend was full of so much joy and delight. Ella went off to her first formal, looking so incredibly 'fancy beautiful', Jed won his football final and we celebrated my fabulous aunty. There was so much to smile about, so much to be thankful for, so much to celebrate - yet last night I cracked it, lost the plot, burst into tears and curled up in the security of my doona.
I am an optimist. I am an ideas girl - my head is constantly dreaming up the new, the different and all the possibilities. I love strategy - coming up with a big picture plan, a way forward. I love change, I love to create and to start. Most days I am eager with excitement, bursting with enthusiasm and full of hope.
BUT this whole starting and running a business thing, is testing all of this within me. It is revealing in me the not so pretty trait of impatience. It is finding every possible thread of doubt within me. It is challenging all aspects of belief in myself.
The balance between the two is like walking a tight-rope on a windy day... whichever way the wind blows seems to influences my heart. I don't want to live so easily impacted by the wind.
How do I get better at this 'tight-rope' walk of life?
As soon as I turn my head and focus on fear I start to lose my balance. If I turn and fix my eyes only on excitement, I can get a little unsteady. The only way to strengthen this tight-rope walk is to fix my eyes forward, hold that balancing stick and move just one step at a time.
My balance stick is the tribe of people around me, focusing on truth, gratitude and my faith. These people and habits are what help me stay steady.
The key for me, is one tiny step at a time. Giving myself permission to pause and be strengthened by that balance stick of awesomeness.
I may not know what lies ahead on this 'tight-rope' of life, but I do know that I don't do it alone and there is always joy to be found even when I close my eyes to it.
Today I choose to open my eyes, fix them forward, hold tight to truth and remember that I am not alone. "Nothing is over until you stop trying"